Sometimes there are scars that can't be seen.
I am a survivor of years of domestic abuse. Now my son, who is 23 yrs old, is a victim. I have talked to him about it and he finally filed for divorce and custody of his 3 children. In Arkansas, the courts automatically side with the mother, and you have to be able to prove she is unfit and a danger to the children. No one here believes that a man can be abused by his girlfriend or wife. After watching my son's abuse and some minor abuse to his children, he decided to take the first step and get out. I am very proud of him.
An abusive person can look just like anyone else. They could be male or female. Religion based or not. Pretty or ugly. The signs are important, for the cycle of abuse will ultimately destroy you. Get out and get fit. Loose him or her before you loose you... "Follow the Saga".
RE: Reckless and False Statements Made to the Senate Judiciary.
Committee by Dr. Phillip McGraw
Honorable Patrick Leahy.
Chairman, Senate Judiciary Committee.
Honorable Chuck Grassley.
Ranking Member, Senate Judiciary Committee.
Dear Chairman Leahy and Ranking Member Grassley:
Stop Abusive and Violent Environments – SAVE – is a victim advocacy organization working for evidence-based solutions to domestic violence. We are writing in regard to the recent July 13, 2011 Judiciary Committee...
Stop Abusive and Violent Environments – SAVE – is a victim advocacy organization working for evidence-based solutions to domestic violence. We are writing in regard to the recent July 13, 2011 Judiciary Committee hearing on the Violence Against Women.
To place this important issue in proper context, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control has conducted two national surveys about intimate partner aggression:
• A survey of high school students found 10% of teenage girls had initiated dating violence, compared to only 9% of teenage boys. (I)
• A study of persons 18-28 years old concluded that females were the perpetrators in 70% of cases of one-way aggression. (II)
These government findings have been confirmed by over 250 scholarly investigations that show “women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners.” (III).
The problem of female-initiated domestic violence recently made front-page news with the recent California case in which a woman hideously drugged, bound, and castrated her husband. (IV)
Against this background of research and national news, Dr. Phillip McGraw (a.k.a. “Dr. Phil”) was invited to be the lead witness for the recent Judiciary Committee hearing on the Violence Against Women Act. (V)
During the course of his testimony, Dr. McGraw repeatedly made statements that were one-sided, misleading, unverifiable, and/or demonstrably false:
1. “2,000,000 women a year are victimized [by] being beaten, terrorized, and intimidated.” – This statement, based on research conducted by Murray Straus at the University of New Hampshire, found equal numbers of men were also victimized by domestic violence. Why did Dr. McGraw choose to cherry-pick the research?
2. “In too many situations violence against women, young and old, is almost treated.
as an ‘acceptable crime.’” This statement is misleading and false. Research shows the vast majority (nine out of 10) of Americans view wife-beating as unacceptable. (VI) (Ironically, two out of 10 of persons still view domestic violence against men as acceptable.)
3. “Domestic violence is now the most common cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44.” –This statement, which has been previously refuted by a leading family violence researcher, (VII) is a scurrilous misrepresentation of the facts. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control:
a. In 1996, motor vehicle accidents and accidental falls were the leading causes of injury to women ages 15-44. Domestic violence ranked as the ninth cause of injury. (VIII)
b. From 2004-2007, the leading causes of injury to women 15-24 years of age were falls, motor vehicle accidents, and overexertion, in that order. For women in the 25-44 year age group, the leading causes of injury were falls, overexertion, and motor vehicle accidents: (IX).
4. "In fact, among teenage girls who are killed, nearly one-third is killed by a boyfriend or former boyfriend" – SAVE staff undertook an extensive search to locate the source of this statement, including the FBI Supplementary Homicide Reports. The source could not be located. Therefore, we conclude this unverifiable claim is a “factoid from nowhere.”.
5. Through use of gender-biased examples and terminology (e.g., “women,” “mothers,” “girls,” etc.), Dr. McGraw painted a picture of domestic violence that is oblivious to three decades of research, which shows approximate symmetry in the perpetration of intimate partner aggression between men and women.
6. Dr. McGraw’s testimony often relied on emotion-laden phraseology and photographic images that were designed to play on persons’ feelings and passions. In conclusion, Dr. McGraw’s testimony was systematically biased, scientifically deficient, and deeply flawed. His testimony is reminiscent of the Jim Crow rape scares that focused on black-on-white rape, while studiously ignoring the problem of white-on white sexual assault.
Effective policy-making rests on sound research and unbiased evidence. Dr. McGraw’s statements are reckless because they could serve to justify and promote federal abuse reduction policies that are ineffective, neglectful of civil rights, and even harmful.
SAVE’s report, Most DV Educational Programs Lack Accuracy, Balance, and Truthfulness, documents how many claims by representatives of domestic violence organizations lack any basis in scientific fact. (X) Ensuring the accuracy of domestic violence statements made to policymakers, the public, and criminal justice personnel should be an important public policy objective. We are therefore requesting that the Senate Judiciary Committee correct the numerous misleading, unverifiable, and erroneous statements of fact that permeate Dr. McGraw’s testimony. We furthermore request that the Judiciary Committee give consideration to the VAWA reauthorization including provisions to require third-party accreditation of all government-supported domestic violence training, education, and public awareness programs.
We look forward to working with you during the upcoming months to assure the prompt reauthorization and revitalization of the Violence Against Women Act.
Stop Abusive and Violent Environments (SAVE).
P.O. Box 1221
Rockville, MD 20849.
SAVE is a 501(c)3 victim-advocacy organization working for evidence-based solutions to domestic violence.
Cc: All Members of the Senate.
IV) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/12/catherine-kieu-becker-cut-off-husbandspenis_ n_895771.html.
IX) www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_10/sr10_241.pdf , Table 4.
VAWA: An Idea Whose Time Never Should Have Come.
July 11, 2011.
By Gordon E. Finley, Ph.D.
Like facing a hurricane, America now faces the reauthorization of a powerful and destructive feminist-made disaster tearing through the lives of children, fathers, families and the nation’s formerly bedrock institution of marriage. The reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) begins on July...
Like facing a hurricane, America now faces the reauthorization of a powerful and destructive feminist-made disaster tearing through the lives of children, fathers, families and the nation’s formerly bedrock institution of marriage. The reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) begins on July 13, 2011. Now is the time to engage in disaster mitigation to either defund VAWA or to redirect it to serve equally the other half of domestic violence victims – men.
VAWA was born of fraud and in this year of towering economic devastation – unless the law is rewritten to grant men full due process rights and equal justice under law – it should be defunded. The seminal presumption of VAWA, embodied in the Duluth Power Wheel, was that there only could be patriarchal male perpetrators and innocent female victims. All else follows from this core presumption.
The ideological fraud of VAWA is exposed both from the lived experiences of everyday citizens and from hundreds of research studies. First, as ordinary citizens peruse the media and look about them in their daily lives, they find abundant examples of women being violent towards men. These lived experiences of ordinary men and women challenge the core ideological presumptions of VAWA.
Second, scientific research from hundreds of empirical studies likewise exposes the ideological – rather than the scientific – foundations of VAWA. The key research findings are: males and females initiate domestic violence in approximately equal numbers; physical harm befalls females somewhat more frequently than males; and the initiation rates for females have been increasing.
Third, and most devastating to the ideological foundations of VAWA, there now is evidence that higher levels of domestic violence are found in homosexual relationships than in heterosexual relationships. The rate is about twice as high. What is critically important in these findings, of course, is that there is no violent male perpetrator and innocent female victim in homosexual relationships. With this absence, the ideological superstructure of VAWA collapses.
So, what difference does it make if VAWA and related programs are re-funded at billions of dollars a year? A great deal as it turns out. For taxpayers, the national debt, and the national deficit, VAWA represents billions of dollars of government waste that creates even more waste. By ending marriages, destroying families and removing fathers from their children, we are left with the consequence of single-mother families. Single-mother families overall yield the worst developmental outcomes for children and create a demand for yet more billions of dollars in taxpayer funded government entitlement programs. Yes, VAWA does all this.
Much of the damage is accomplished through restraining orders based on nonsensically broad definitions of domestic violence. VAWA restraining orders strip men of their due process rights, deny them the right to be present at hearings, and deny men their right to cross-examine their accuser. The consequences of one-sided, judicially granted restraining orders are that the police remove the man from the home, give the woman temporary (generally morphing into permanent) custody of the house, the children, and order the man to pay child support. False restraining orders along with false child sexual abuse allegations are widely used by women to gain advantage in divorce proceedings.
Unfortunately for men, the broad social attitudes spawned by VAWA have created a social, legal, and media environment in which it is extremely difficult for men to defend themselves. Under VAWA and related prosecutions, such as false rape allegations, there is a presumption of guilt until proven innocent and a rush to judgment. Think Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
The Senate Judiciary Hearing is titled “The Violence Against Women Act: Building on Seventeen Years of Accomplishments.” It more accurately should be sub-titled “Seventeen Years of Devastating Fathers, Families, Children, and Defrauding Taxpayers.” In my view, and in light of the consequences of VAWA for the economy and for families, VAWA either should be defunded or redirected to grant fathers and children due process, equal justice under law, and equal treatment as victims.
Gordon E. Finley, Ph.D. is Emeritus Professor of Psychology at Florida International University in Miami.
Washington D.C. Family Preservation Civil Rights Movement Rally To Be Biggest Yet!
April 19, 2012 to April 22, 2012 promises to be bigger than past years for family rights activist, advocates, families, and leaders to come together in Washington, D.C.
Now, in our final countdown, we feature short stories from callers and e-mailers as promised in a recent post. We call them the “Parenting Papers”. They are intended to stimulate attendance at next month’s event because our court victims apparently believe that it’s someone else’s job to protest for them- and of course reform will not occur with this kind of lame attitude. These stories are based on real events. However, names and content have been edited to protect the sources. Our third...
Now, in our final countdown, we feature short stories from callers and e-mailers as promised in a recent post. We call them the “Parenting Papers”. They are intended to stimulate attendance at next month’s event because our court victims apparently believe that it’s someone else’s job to protest for them- and of course reform will not occur with this kind of lame attitude. These stories are based on real events. However, names and content have been edited to protect the sources. Our third story of this series, Day 26, is entitled: “Willie the Wusse”.
Willie Wusse loved attention. In high school he was the basketball star and football quarterback. Never quite good enough for professional sports, however, Willie eventually settled into jobs as a phys-ed teacher and bouncer at a popular local club. He never liked the idea of a long term romance, but he loved his twin boys of a five year relationship. That ended not long ago when his woman decided that a man was needed who would not disrespect her as often as Willie had.
Despite a flexible childrearing arrangement, it was only a matter of time when tensions would flare up over lovers and parenting substitutes. As one of the sisters explained, “Girl, you can’t let your man go around havin’ a good time with money that needs to go to yer kids, and what they doin’ with that nasty bee anyway, makin’ like the children are hers?” Of course, the instigator knew nothing about Willie’s new girlfriend. She was simply parroting the gossip of unhappy people jealous of others who don’t live down to their levels.
But the real irony of it all was that Willie had given his ex everything that she demanded, full control of the children, and just enough money so that he could move on with his own life. The new woman was actually paying most of his bills so that the boys could have a place to “visit” as “the law” decreed it. The last thing Willie needed was a custody battle to get the “respect” he deserved as a good father. He wisely understood that money spent on lawyers was wasted because he faced multiple prejudices in America’s domestic relations courts.
For starters, Willie was black and male, and everyone knew that parenting added yet another roadblock to justice. Before he had a chance to present anything, he was stereotyped as the proverbial dead beat dad. His burden of proof was artificially elevated in this manner because of conditions acquired at birth. No half-baked lawyer was going to advise him of this as long as there was a fee to be taken. So why take a chance of losing his cool and getting a rap for some crime caused by a jealous woman exploiting a racist and sexist court system?
To put it bluntly, Willie was doing his best to live the life that society had in mind for him. And when Obama came out every Father’s Day preaching about African-American fathers who needed to step up to the plate, Willie knew that his president’s Harvard education hadn’t done him much good, not on this subject anyway. Willie had it in mind to make his plight known to the NAACP, or to join in a protest on Washington, but for all his show, Willie was quite the wusse when it came to standing up for his God-given rights.
Recently Willie showed it all off to the brothers at the gym.“Protest?” he laughed,“you gotta be kidding me, I got no time for it. That’s some body else’s job”. In fact all the boys thought the same, that’s why lawyers reaped the benefits, such that Willie’s great grandfather might have turned over in his grave. You see, the elder Willie protested with the likes of Martin Luther King Jr. when no one had money and lives were always at risk. So when Willie Wusse got six months instead of the usual 90 days on a first time child support offense, no one was there to hear his gripes. In Willie’s words, “that was some body else’s job.”.
Help me by taking action. http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/ChildrensRightsFlorida/ http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/AmericanFathers/
Dr. Phil Show: Woman Reluctantly Admits Lying About Domestic Violence To Jail Husband For 10 Months.
The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) is up for reauthorization this year.
Despite its innocent-sounding name, the problem with VAWA is that it assails the family, the Constitution, and the economy. And it has failed to live up to its promises to help women – see: http://www.saveservices.org/downloads/VAWA-Has-It-Delivered-on-Its-Promises-to-Women.
Momentum is rapidly building as we continue to receive daily feedback from across the country for the Founding Fathers March scheduled for April 20, 2012 in Washington, D.C., which seeks to end discrimination against fathers and non-custodial mothers in childrearing laws, among other abuses. However, it’s time to get serious!
We are in urgent need of regional leaders to start organizing and growing the numbers for this event within their respective communities. There is simply no way that...
We are in urgent need of regional leaders to start organizing and growing the numbers for this event within their respective communities. There is simply no way that Dr. Koziol can do this entirely on his own without your help! The time for talking is over, it’s time for ACTION!
Our first priority is to have anyone who plans on participating in the march, register their full name, address, email, and area code/telephone number for communications purposes. All contact information will remain CONFIDENTIAL and will NOT be shared with outside parties. In addition, your information will show Dr. Koziol just who is serious about reforming current oppressive domestic relations laws. Once we receive your information, a steering committee will be formed to help coordinate the event. Your contact information should be sent to email@example.com no later than January 31, 2012. Be sure to include the words “Founding Fathers March Contact Information” in the subject line. Also, please feel free to include questions to be compiled for future communications regarding this event.
Our second priority is fundraising. Dr. Koziol has sacrificed a lucrative career in law which resulted in retaliation for taking up this particular cause for non-custodial parents. The truth is, he can no longer afford to pursue current test litigation cases and challenge current laws on the behalf of “parents similarly situated” without the necessary support of more than just a handful of constituents. Rest assured, he does not wish to abandon his efforts for this movement, but the time has come where he needs to reevaluate his future involvement in such. Therefore, we are asking anyone who plans on participating in the march to make a voluntary donation of at least $25 or more to help cover the cost and burden of litigation expenses that he has incurred on our behalf.
Please share this communication in its entirety with your contact list. Here is the link: http://wp.me/pXgi5-on.