Back to Help support Kaiden Evans

New message from Kaidens parents Michele and Chad.

Hello Friends,
I know it has been some time since we have posted anything. I'm sorry that we don't keep all of you updated and at the same time happy that we have nothing too significant to post. That being said here is the latest.

Kaiden has been getting treatment at home since our last post on December 2, 2010, when her tests came back all clear. The doctor felt (and we agreed) that it would be good to continue some treatment to eliminate any "unseen" cancer cells. Kaiden completed what "IS" her last treatment for cancer on February 24, 2011.

A statement I never thought I would ever say."My daughter finished her cancer treatment............".

Kaiden will have tests again on March 1 and March 2, 2011. Tuesday & Wednesday. She will now have tests and scans every three months for about two years, then every six months, then every year for forever. The tests will check to make sure no cancer has started to grow again. Yes grow again. I'm sorry, but how (insert bad word here) is that? It's not bad enough that one would have to do this once, but they tell us the fear is that it comes BACK! I think as parents this may be the hardest part. Statistics are 50% that the cancer comes back.

For me, when I heard the doctor say "she does not have any cancer cells that we can see" I thought that I would hear angels sing, God himself was most certainly going to speak to me and tell me life was good forever! I imagined life would be ten times easier than it had been prior to her getting cancer. I thought it would be easy to wake up on the "right " side of bed. Truth be told, it was not anything close to that simple. In many ways life is better or at least our viewpoint is more appropriate. Many of the things we worried about prior to Kaiden getting cancer have been re-prioritized. We know that in life, the point is that we need to live in the moment, appreciate what we have at any given moment. Try not to focus on tomorrow, live today, enjoy today, love today.

Talk about a challenge. Most of time the fear that our sweet little Kaiden could get cancer again is choking out the joy of her "beating" this ugly evil disease. The thought that it could ever come back can kill the joy of it not being here now. I can't look at Kaiden without feeling an overwhelming feeling of injustice that my sweet innocent baby could ever have to endure such an evil thing again. It puts me on my knees. She smiles so big and it's so hard not to let the image of her bald little head in a hospital bed fighting a life threatening disease distract me from the joy of her smile. Everyday, every moment, you try to find a fun activity, or ANY activity to distract you.

You hope to find something that can make up for feeling that the Jolly Green Giant just stomped on every good thing you ever felt or could have imagined you would feel. You hope that there is distraction big enough, GIANT enough to make you forget for maybe one minute, one second, forget that you had to sit in a small ugly hospital conference room to hear your baby has cancer. A cancer that she has a 30% chance of beating. Talk about a helpless feeling. That prognosis did not change either, her original prognosis stays with her with or without remission. For those of us like me who think we have control, man what a wake up call! Control looks like [email protected]#$%^&*($ [email protected]#$%^&*. Control is a foreign language. I tried to take control. You try to control what you can. You try to control when she gets medicine, her food, when the lights are on, what nurse, whatever you can. You try to control silly things so it feels like you are making a difference. But the reality that not even the best doctor will offer a guarantee is tough to take.

While we acknowledge that Kaiden is doing well now, and we want to so much live in the moment, it is a huge undertaking. I would have never imagined how hard this phase is.
One night recently while putting Kaiden to bed I was telling Kaiden how much we worried about her when she was in the hospital and how happy we were that she is better now and doesn't have to...

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