Back to Support Trey Love

Part 1 Long Over due

Hey all! I know I have been due for an update for awhile now. It’s been a crazy busy year…

It’s been 15 months since Trey’s stroke and I can honestly say I am just coming out of the fog that has consumed me for the last year. I really don’t remember much of the past year. I remember bits and pieces. Last summer seems like it wasn’t real. It’s so strange. Don’t get me wrong, I did what I had to do. When we were in NYC I lived like there was no tomorrow. I never let Trey see me too upset. We kept busy when we were out of the house. I hated my house though. I hated looking at Trey’s room. Looking back I realize how severe my depression was. I let it get the best of me when we were home. NYC seemed to be the only thing that could make me want to get out of bed. Yes, I realize mostly everyone thinks I am happy and positive all the time, but I’m not.

When Trey had the awful reaction which led to that awful day (October 6 2011) where he had 1 major seizure and 3 or 4 other ones, I think that I finally shut down completely. Or at least my brain shut its’ self off to prevent a nervous breakdown. How many times can a parent be told their child is dying without losing their mind? And yes, I would rather be told that a trillion times and for them be wrong. I know we are blessed. That day was the first time I lost hope. I wanted to pretend that we were a normal family and I didn’t know kids who died from cancer. The MRI was scheduled for 11/11/11.

Throughout this journey I have never been more terrified than I was during that time. The thought of losing Trey is just pure torture. All I wanted to do was run as far away from cancer and the evil it causes. So we did. The week before the MRI, Mike, Trey and I drove up to Cape Cod. Yes, it was cold, but it was peaceful. We took walks on the beach, ate in little cafes, took the ferry to Nantucket and just tried to relax. We came back and our church threw us yet another prayer vigil (it was the first one for Trey that I was able to be present for). It was amazing and I’m so grateful to be a member there. I cried my eyes out selfishly begging God to give us a miracle.

Trey turned 5 on October 26th. We threw him 5 birthday parties because that’s the way my head works. I can’t help it. Everything we do with Trey is over the top because our future is so unclear. I never know what event might be the last so I mentally make everyone of them as awesome as I can.

We had our scan on 11.11.11. It was clear. The spots had disappeared. Mike and I loaded up our car and drove the 20 hours to my dad’s the very next morning. We sat and walked on the beaches, layed by my dad’s pool and had many reasons to be so thankful for that Thanksgiving. I perked up when we got home and went all out for Christmas. Christmas music, cookies, decorations, family, friends and weekends packed full of Christmas fun. Trey also started back in school after missing 2 months.

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