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A relfection of the past year's minefields

Hey! I promised a long update so here it is. The last few months have been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. I feel like I am in a warzone and walking through a minefield. Every step I take feels like I am about to step on a mine. Then when I actually do step on that mine and someone screams “Oh my God, you are going to die!!” another voice laughs and says “haha, that mine was just a dud.” And then I take another couple of steps and manage to stay clear and then all of a sudden I step on another mine and the voice shouts “Oh my God, you are going to die!!” and then followed shortly after that is that other laughing voice that says “Just kidding!! Gotcha!! Haha!!” Yes, anyone out there with degrees knows that I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder; don’t worry I am quite aware of it:)

Our life is nothing short than crazy. We try to live in the normal world where people’s daily worries are bills and the dog peed in the house. We manage. Mike and Trey actually handle it better than I do to be honest. I let myself get completely wrapped up in this world that is our normal. Trey went back to school the first of December. He loves his friends, his teachers and just being in school. Trey’s normal life consists of an endless supply of people who love him and go out of their ways to make him happy. Yes, some of those people are his therapists, nurses or doctors, but nonetheless, Trey is an extremely loved child. Trey’s normal life is school, OT, PT, speech, friends, family, hospitals and fun. He doesn’t know any other life. His life is nothing short of extraordinary. In his five years he has managed to reach more people than I ever thought was possible. God has chosen Trey to be able to teach people all kinds of things. Sometimes I wish we weren’t part of God’s plan. Sometimes I wish God had just overlooked us..lol:) Sometimes I wish we were just normal people with normal problems. But then I meet someone who looks at Trey with such admiration and realize God didn’t deal us a crappy hand at all. A friend texted me one day when I was feeling out of sorts “I was reading my bible a minutes ago after a rotten day-I saw this and thought of you. Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Throughout everything you have been through, you have cheerful more often than not. Thank you for being a good example.” These moments are when I see God’s work. Believe me, I am far from perfect and am not always a bowl of cherries.

Cancer does destroy things. It is hard work to keep a family together when cancer enters it. It is even harder when cancer enters a family through a child. The devil will dance around your house, laughing if you let him. We have always been very honest with Trey. Trey calls cancer the devil and it is. But in the words of Trey Love “God is bigger than then the devil mom.” He is absolutely right. Over the last 9 months we have let the devil dance a little. It’s not something I am proud of, but God is bigger and when you see hell, you grab hold of your faith and don’t let go. God provided me with enough strength and peace to keep on going over this mountain we are currently climbing. Without God I am nothing. I do not know what I would have done without Him. God also has put people in my life that I don’t know what I would do without. We have an army behind us, I know that, but there is a handful that physically keeps me afloat. Mike and I are both strong headed, opinionated, stubborn people. His faith has never once wavered. I think I have seen him scared twice. The day of the stroke and the day he walked into the hospital the last time Trey had a seizure. He is a rock and sometimes it really pisses me off:) I want him to be as crazy as I am. I want him to cry, scream, hide, yell (well at cancer at least..lol). But he doesn’t. He stands firm and I think he gets mad at me for not being more like him…lol! Oh well, we are stuck with each other…love you baby. I don’t know how I could be on this journey...

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